Quotation Revision

Before:

In the Ted talk “Can Art Amend History?”, artist Titus Kaphar discusses how a visit to the Natural History Museum in New York City evoked him to ask if art can amend the travesties that have taken place in history.  This happened when he and his sons were visiting the museum and his older son noticed that the copper statue of Theodore Roosevelt.  This statue depicts our 26th president riding a horse, with an african american and native american walking on either side of his horse.  His son asked him, “how come he gets to ride while they have to walk?”.  This provoked Kaphar to ask what he, as an artist, could do in order to amend history?  He chose the word amend specifically because he thinks it’s important to remember past travesties.

 

After:

An example of art being misused is the famous copper statue of Theodore Roosevelt in front of the Natural History Museum in New York City.  This statue depicts our 26th president riding a horse, with an african american and a native american walking on either side of him.  In the Ted talk “Can Art Amend History?”, artist Titus Kaphar discusses how a visit to this Museum evoked him to ask if art can amend the travesties that have taken place in history when his son asked him, “how come he gets to ride while they have to walk?”.  This provoked Kaphar to ask what he, as an artist, could do in order to amend history?  He chose the word amend specifically because he thinks it’s important to remember past travesties.

 

Before:

If Rhys Southan and Titus Kaphar were ever to meet and discuss the purpose of art, they would find themselves agreeing about the majority of things.  For example, they both believe that art can be used for a bigger purpose than it is currently.  Titus believes his art can amend the history that has been depicted in art, this is evident when he says “I’m trying to answer that question that my son had.  Why do some have to walk?”.

 

After:

If Rhys Southan and Titus Kaphar were ever to meet and discuss the purpose of art, they would find themselves agreeing about the majority of things.  For example, they both believe that art can be used for a bigger purpose than it is currently.  Titus believes future art can amend the history that has been depicted in art, this is evident when he says “We can’t pretend like not talking about it is going to work. We tried that. We have to create a space for conversation. Something has to be done.”.  

 

I am going to introduce this concept earlier in the essay, that way I can reference it to back up my argument:

Rhys Southan referenced the Australian philosopher Peter Singer in his article when he said, “Suppose you saw a child drowning in a pond: would you jump in and rescue her, even if you hadn’t pushed her in?  Even if it meant ruining your clothes? ”.

 

Editting these quotes made me realize how disorganized my essay is currently.  I changed the last paragraph around to make it flow a little more.  The change I made to the first quote also helped back up my argument more efficiently.

2 Comments

  1. elishaemerson

    One last thing: I want you to reconsider this sentence: “An example of art being misused is the famous copper statue of Theodore Roosevelt in front of the Natural History Museum in New York City.” This makes it seem that the statue itself is being “misused,” as if the statue is being used as a foot stool or a coat rack, etc. 🙂

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